I think the following says a lot…
I know in my heart the words below, I know them, and mostly I live them. It is tough sometimes when you are an argumentative so and so like me… So I have tended to remove myself from such situations and try to find a peaceful place. Anger is an energy John Lydon (sex pistols) once wrote, indeed it is, an all consuming energy.

I intend to take back up a constant meditation practice, this will be difficult in my current situation, but none the less I will do it. Without such things..I feel I will be lost, and have too many “choices”….

…………………………………

It is a sense that you have to will it. You have to choose life. A person can choose death by not forgiving. So there is a sense in which you can destroy yourself by not saying “yes” to the Reality that actually exists. That’s the choice: “yes” or “no” to what truly exists. Forgiveness is the great “yes.” So there is a choice. In the Greek patristic tradition, the more a person is a person, the more we realize and will our communion with others in the act of love, the less we choose. So the freer we are, the less choice we have.

That’s almost opposite to post-Enlightenment, secular Western thought. We tend to think the freer we are, the more choice we have. For example, if you would sin against me and I want to love with the love of God, then I do not have a choice whether or not I should forgive you, I only have a choice of whether or not I will. And I must if I want to be alive. If I were truly holy, I wouldn’t even choose – it would be a spontaneous act.

–Father Thomas Hopko (Greek Orthodox) discussing forgiveness

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